


Anno Darcy

by clutzycricket



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Multi, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4330119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clutzycricket/pseuds/clutzycricket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That one where Darcy was raised by a nest of vampires.</p><p>It explains why she rolls with the punches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark Elf Messes

Darcy was looking at the pole machines and cursing without thinking, having pulled her hair back in a ponytail and missing the days when Jane tried to cobble together her machines with junk yard rejects and grant money scraps. They were more familiar to her than the shiny shit that they had now.

“Having trouble, Darcy?” Thor asked, and Darcy looked up and up at him. 

“Hey,” she said. “Yeah, turns out Ian? Useful in an emergency, not so useful in the clean-up of an emergency.”

He frowned at that, grabbing the remaining poles. “He left you to do this on your own?”

“He got nabbed by SHIELD, hasn’t come back. The way they spoke… I’m glad I didn’t tell him anything secret-y,” she said, frowning and keeping an eye on him. “Hey, Jane told me about your mom. And your brother. I’m sorry they died.”

“Most would only say that for my mother,” Thor said, looking at her strangely.

“Oh, god, I probably would have tazed your brother, then kicked him in the balls- my moms and most of my family live in Manhattan, and if I lost them… but hey, he’s your family, too,” she shrugged, which jostled the poles. Thor stole one. “Crazy Uncle Bunny Slippers kept threatening to eat me as a child. It’s kind of a running gag now, but I kind of get the weird family dynamic thing. Though Mom hasn’t gone assassin vamp in a while…”

“…Eat you?” Thor stumbled. It was hilarious, kind of.

“Yup!” Darcy laughed. “They’re vampires, actually. My bio-rents died in a nasty-caused wreck when  I was a baby, Mom took me in, and I got the weird little monster family. Er… semi-dead, drink blood, age based on if they are drinking said blood, tend towards the batshit insane and overprotective. Er, I think SHIELD knows, because Mom and Aunt Lucy knew Captain America.”

“Ah,” Thor said, looking like he might need a translation.

“You, me, movie night,” Darcy grinned. “Seriously, apparently Mom managed to terrify Tony Stark’s dad when she was Monument Womaning it up, though Iron Man adores Aunt Lucy.  _Everyone_  loves Aunt Lucy. She is like the fanged version of puppy videos. Once they see the news, they will be here, you can meet them, shit, SHIELD. SHIELD and my  _mother_. More to the point, Jane and Uncle Myrnin, who I didn’t introduce despite him being useful because he is completely bonkers and wouldn’t be helpful in the preventing mad science section… ah fuck. Janey is going to kill me.”

Her expression must have been hilarious, because Thor let out a booming laugh. Which was kind of the point.

She was still doomed.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so, Darcy had picked up a lot of shit growing up with vampires.

 

Practical mad science? Check! She and Jane were a scary, scary team that could do worrying things with a scrap pile and duct tape. Though Darcy was currently enrolled in a freaking amazing PoliSci grad program, because Aunt Lucy had put her foot down and reminded Darcy that school was important. And she acted as liaison/professional bullshitter between Thor, the supernatural community and SHIELD, mostly because Mom was really freaking old. Like a decade or three older than Thor. She had the power to go with it.

 

Poker Face? Double Check! She had played poker against Tony Fucking Stark, which was hilarious and Thor’s ability to be deceptively innocent looking should not have surprised her at all.

 

Knife and Taser skills! Unexpected bonus, mostly because Uncle Myrnin had come to them when Darcy was a kid. And had been poisoned by some evil vampire who had poisoned his mind and made him nearly feral. She kind of sucked at SHIELD levels, but she really just needed to be good enough to get out of a bad situation.

 

So dealing with HYDRA trying to kill them was something she should probably be up for dealing with. Especially given the timing.

 

She had used a heavy pole, aiming for the corner of a jaw and grinning ferally as it connected.  “Suck it, trashboy.”

 

“Little Bit,” came a long suffering voice, and the Trapdoor Spider, the Mad Alchemist of Vampires, stuck out one long hand and the other one’s neck snapped. Jane jumped.

 

Myrnin stuck his hand out, and it looked like he’d looked at Jane’s work, because he was dressed to kind of impress. Messy black curls, pretty boy face, pirate jacket and blue Hawaiian shirt Darcy had gotten him last Christmas, jeans that actually had a favorable denim to hole ratio, and…

 

“Hey, where are Moppet and Raggsy?” Darcy asked.

 

“Who?” Jane asked, looking for more vampires. 

 

"My footware is not of your concern, Little Bit," Myrnin scowled. "And I like my boots." The pirate boots worked, she admitted.

 

“He has vampire bunny slippers,” Darcy grinned as she explain. “One of Mom’s friends found them, and Aunt Lucy bought us all pairs. Mine are in the brownstone, sadly. I need them. I’m just glad you are wearing any shoes, actually,” Darcy said, trying for Mom’s Disapproving Glare.

 

It fails. “Broken glass is a bother to dig out,” he flapped his hands. “Dr. Foster, you have some fascinating theories, and from what Darcy has said, you aren’t a close minded fool like most so called scientific minds…”

 

Jane looked at Darcy with a look that Darcy pointedly ignored. “Portal science!” she said cheerfully. “I am here to ensure Jane does not become a vampire, because then Thor will smite you, and Aunt Lucy will be sad. Also your friend Amelie who looks like Emma Frost, and she is mildly creepy.”

 

“Yes, yes,” Myrnin frowned. “Your mother…”

 

Darcy held up her phone. “I got this. We bring him in, you make him talk, Mom figures out the cop story.”

  
Jane was humming the Addams family theme song as they entered the lab, dragging the HYDRA goons.


End file.
